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Some advice, please


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#1 Erk

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 02:17 PM

When I'm not out running ridiculous errands for our local eccentric madman, Agrippa, I like to spend my time tending to the garden next to my home.

Through months of toil and careful tending, I've grown a bountiful crop of vegetables such as crisp cabbage, carrots, plump tomatoes, tender turnips, potatoes, onions, and my prized herbs and spices! I'm very proud of it :D

But recently, a dark and horrible plague has descended on my poor crop: GARDEN GNOMES! They've brutally torn through my tomato plants, ruthlessly unearthed onions, pilfered potatoes, and heartlessly taken my turnips! (apparently gnomes are absolutely bonkers over turnips)

Even as I write this post, I look out my window and can see a number of dorky, pointed hats bobbing along from behind my tomato plants, with shovel-fulls of dirt flying this way and that. *grumble* Gods, I want to strangle them!

But everytime I run out there with my axe, they disappear! It seems hopeless! I was wondering if anyone who may have experience with this would have suggestions on how to deal with these little pests. Maybe a sort-of scarecrow for gnomes or a plant of some kind I could add that they'd be allergic to and thus repelled.

Any suggestions would be appreciated as I am at my wit's end!

Thankyou,
Erk

#2 Vintara

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 04:09 PM

I don't have any experience in these matters but might I suggest poisoning the turnips? Even if it doesn't kill them, it might taste bad enough to put them off.

#3 Rorthron

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 06:33 AM

I was hungry. Sue me.

Sorry. Sueth me. (I forgot it was the RP forum!)

#4 Erk

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 08:39 AM

I dunno know about poisoning the turnips. I'd rather keep my remaining turnips healthy so I can make my famous Yak-flavored ice cream. Plus I'm a little scatter-brained sometimes and tend to forget such things like adding poison to food.

It runs in the family, ya know. One time my father accidentally poisoned grandma while trying to keep the beavers out of the cornfield. :skull: Of course, if that hadn't happened, mom and dad would've never met. Oh, the stories those two have!

But anyways, the other day a friend of mine was telling me that gnomes hate baths. They're absolutely terrified of them. So, I was thinking, maybe I could run my irrigation ditch all the way around the garden, and then pepper the area with bathtime accessories (scrub brushes, towels, soap on a rope). Maybe the gnomes will see this and run away in filthy terror!

Think that'll work? :think:

#5 Cantilenae

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 12:18 PM

Hmmm...this is a tough one. I finally gave in and started paying protection money to one of the garden gnome ringleaders. He takes thirty percent of my turnip crop, but it's worth it. Chap goes by the name of Muteki.

#6 Rathas

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Posted 09 March 2006 - 07:07 PM

Personly I just use my amazing mino skills of gnome tossing and use garden gnomes in combating evil creatures seems to work pretty well but due to the fact that your not a mino I might suggest building a pit trap or two. Make sure its non-leathal as I need the gnomes alive.

#7 Calum

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Posted 14 March 2006 - 04:27 AM

This worked for a friend of mine once in a similar situation.

Go to Agatha's or possibly Helga's muumuus, get yourself a good turnip costume. It needs to be neck to knees at least or else the little buggers won't be fooled.

Concealing yourself in your suit (with your trusty axe), bury yourself (mostly!) in the garden, or get a friend to do it.

The gnomes will have a field day when they discover a turnip of your size, and will happily organise a work party to drag you back to their humble abode.

Once you are there - RUN AMOK! Smash everything you can in sight, and brain as many as possible with your axe. Blood spatter is also useful; try to get as much on the walls as possible. If you are unsure whether you will be able to sustain the necessary berserker rage, get a friend to help you out on this one.

When the gnomes come to they will be devastated you have discovered their hideout, and will decamp asap, leaving you once more to enjoy the fruits of all your hard work :)

Hope this helps :)

#8 Fluoxetina

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Posted 14 March 2006 - 10:19 AM

i've found that a flock of CHICKENS helps....

:clap: :clap: :clap:

#9 Erk

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Posted 14 March 2006 - 12:49 PM

I'm not too keen on the idea of bribing the gnomes with 30% of my turnips. That'd be like offering up your furniture to the termites in your walls. Extra food will just make them more robust and healthy and likely to breed more pests. And it goes without saying that noone wants to have gnomes breeding in their garden. What would the neighbors say? :freaked:

Catching them in pit traps probably won't work either, considering how adept gnomes are at tunneling. In fact, as I was diverting my irrigation around the garden (trying to implement my bathtime idea), I accidently punched into one of their tunnels and drained half my reservoir before I could get it plugged up again. :( I'm almost hoping that I've drowned a couple of them.

*sigh* maybe I should try the turnip costume thing.

#10 Rathas

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Posted 19 March 2006 - 01:35 AM

NO!! I need them alive, I am running low on ammo here dang it.

#11 Kimi

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Posted 10 April 2006 - 07:02 AM

Dear Erk,

Gnomes are a protected species in Rune! Any randomised killings or captures, without the correct official license, can lead to monetary fines from 1 - 5 million per gnome or the removal of root vegetables to equal that value.

I suggest that before you carry out any of these illegal ideas you visit your local environment office for the correct paperwork, to be filled out in triplicate, and posted before the end of the gnome mating season.

Yours sincerely
Kimi
(overpaid environment officer)