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Item description contest


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#26 Thror

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 04:16 PM

For Consecrate Weapon:
keywords (holy scabbard precision yellow)
short desc (a holy scabbard of precision)
long desc (an empty scabbard, long and narrow, is here in the dirt)
full desc (This scabbard, which fits snugly around your waist, possesses an interesting design. The exterior of the scabbard is faded silver, and subtle yellow runes run along its length. The scabbard is actually quite long, and narrow as well, but what makes this scabbard unique is its interior. Running along one of the interior surfaces, barely visible to the naked eye, is a long sharpening whetstone. Although it has obviously seen some serious use, the whetstone looks to be serviceable enough to continue to provide a superior edge to your weapon. Indeed, the act of drawing forth your weapon, and returning it to the scabbard, has the ultimate effect of making the weapon more precise and deadly. The faint runes on the side of the scabbard, interestingly enough, seem to require that the scabbard's owner be a holy, righteous warrior.)

For Lay on Hands:
keywords (gloves honor simple white)
short desc (the gloves of honor)
long desc (a pair of simple, unadorned gloves lies here)
full desc (These simple gloves possess no remarkable characteristics. The gloves are made of typical white fabric, and they could easily be dismissed as a set of generic, common gloves. You guess that the previous owner of these gloves was actually a humble and pious paladin, dedicated to the betterment and protection of others. Over time, the selfless righteousness of the paladin likely had an effect on these gloves, plain as they are, and resulted in a holy enchantment capable of enhancing one's service towards others in need.)

#27 Thror

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 07:57 PM

For Disjunction:
keywords (cloak temporal assault disjunction magenta)
short desc (a cloak of temporal assault)
long desc (a cloak lays here, splayed about in an odd configuration)
full desc (An adventurer's skills are, by definition, the summation of their experiences and choices in life. While an adventurer's innate abilities undoubtedly play a role in the summation of their strength, most sages would agree that one's experience dominates one's abilities in terms of overall importance. It follows, therefore, by logical deduction that a temporal attack on an adventurer's experiences would have a profound impact on an adventurer's effectiveness -- more so than a direct attack on one's abilities in the present. This dark magenta cloak, which is an eclectic jumble of odd angles and patterns, has been cleverly fashioned to enhance indirect attacks against past experience. As you don the cloak, you cannot help but feel a degree of shame at the lack of honor involved in an indirect temporal attack, and it causes you to reflect upon your internal values.)

For Searing Touch:
keywords (tabard undead taunt blue ridicule)
short desc (a tabard that ridicules the undead)
long desc (a tabard depicting the slaying of undead lays here)
full desc (This tabard appears to have been sewn by a tailor with a sense of humor, and perhaps a grudge against the undead as well. The blue background of the tabard is fine wool, and the edges of the tabard have been embroidered with a rich gold thread. Featured on both the front and back of the tabard is a depiction of a human adventurer making a very rude and unpleasant gesture towards an undead zombie. The depicted adventurer carries in his free hand an assorted collection of dismembered zombie parts. You have to wonder if the undead have enough presence of mind to understand the inherent taunt in the theme of the tabard, but based upon some specks of matter on the tabard that appear to be undead in origin, you conclude that there is at least a reasonable chance that they do. Regardless, as you don the cloak, you feel a faint sense of holy power in the cloak amplifying your abilities to destroy unholy spawn.)

#28 Primus

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Posted 23 September 2011 - 02:30 AM

Item descriptions should never tell the character what they think or feel, it ruins immersion and it's bad form. Lore and atmosphere are good, but mainly, the item itself should be the bulk of an item description.

Also, don't try to be too long and flowery. The best item descriptions should be concise and not ramble - remember, not every doorknob needs to have been formerly possessed by some great wizard and radiate an aura of daemonic malice.

#29 Primus

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Posted 23 September 2011 - 03:07 AM

Rejuvenation

Short: a phased empyreal hyperflower

Long: Flickering through dimensions, a single rose barely exists here.

Full:

Lit by the universe-spanning supernova of an ancient star and trailing dying embers from a perished galaxy, the phaseshifted empyreal rose of High Priest Marius is a treasure beyond reason. Singular in all forms of being, the stem shimmers through all the colours of every visible spectrum, beautifully cultivated petals casting off stray sparks that fall through the Void between Worlds to sow the seeds of propagation and rebirth. Said to be the spiritual essence of the first phoenix and a talisman against the Dark, simple possession is enough to transcend possibility and entail immortality.

+hp-regen and sp-regen, increases the effectiveness of healing spells cast by and upon the wearer.

#30 Udolf

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Posted 24 September 2011 - 08:23 PM

Item descriptions should never tell the character what they think or feel, it ruins immersion and it's bad form. Lore and atmosphere are good, but mainly, the item itself should be the bulk of an item description.



I beg to differ:
This black leather whip looks like it could inflict a great deal of pain
upon an opponent.  Weapons such as this one are often used to torture
prisoners, but can be highly effective in combat as well.  Your mind begins
to wander, coming up with other possible uses for the whip, but you decide
that some of your ideas should be kept private.


Notice this is already a long-existing item: a black leather whip from Sigil.

#31 Karo

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Posted 25 September 2011 - 06:55 AM

Just because it's a long existing item does not mean that it's description is well written. It's a prime example of what Primus is talking about.

#32 Perem

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Posted 25 September 2011 - 11:14 PM

Rejuvenation

Short: a phased empyreal hyperflower

Long: Flickering through dimensions, a single rose barely exists here.

Full:

Lit by the universe-spanning supernova of an ancient star and trailing dying embers from a perished galaxy, the phaseshifted empyreal rose of High Priest Marius is a treasure beyond reason. Singular in all forms of being, the stem shimmers through all the colours of every visible spectrum, beautifully cultivated petals casting off stray sparks that fall through the Void between Worlds to sow the seeds of propagation and rebirth. Said to be the spiritual essence of the first phoenix and a talisman against the Dark, simple possession is enough to transcend possibility and entail immortality.

+hp-regen and sp-regen, increases the effectiveness of healing spells cast by and upon the wearer.



you forgot your keywords

eg:

phased empyreal hyperflower rose

#33 Calum

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 03:35 PM

Withering touch:

Keywords: withering gauntlets heavy wraps
Short description: a pair of bloody hand wraps
Long description: A bundle of tattered, stained cloth lies on the ground, discarded.

Full description: These look like they were once part of a live, er, thing. Bits of what may have been flesh are still attached to them, and their many brown stains attest to what may have happened to their last user. Nevertheless, they look like they might be wearable, and at least usable for something. There appear to be strange filaments of metal runnning through the cloth.


Slit tendon:

Keywords: maim hook hacking admantite
Short description: a long handled pole hook
Long description: A talon with a wicked-looking metal tip lies here in the dirt

Full description: This looks like it might make a handy weapon. Made originally of bone, someone has taken the time to craft a wicked looking prosthesis for the tip. The result is something that looks like it could do a lot of damage, in the right hands. You had better be careful with it.


Totem:

Keywords: totem animal summoning binding
Short description: a braided animal totem
Long description: A leather cord, with some sort of figurine attached, lies here discarded.

Full description: It looks like the orcs have been at work here. This curious looking item is a little warm to the touch, and almost seems to be alive. It is crafted of a red stone, with swirls of a lighter pinkish hue running through it. There are a couple of chips off the base.

#34 Thror

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Posted 13 November 2011 - 03:06 AM

Any update on the contest?

#35 Eldrick

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Posted 10 January 2012 - 04:02 AM

I got an item in the mail which I assume is from this contest:

Item 'an engraved mahogany-wood ring' is type jewelry, alignment 0, made of wood
,
has keywords 'ring wooden mahogany engraved leaf leaves', equipped on the finger.
This item weighs 0 stones and 4 pebbles, and is valued at 23,375 gp.
This level 55 item has the attributes: identified insulated unique
An engraved mahogany-wood ring is in excellent condition.
This item has a default lifespan of 180 days and will expire on Sat Jul 7 22:17:04 2012.
Alters power of 'cure poison' by 10.
*Your class-level must be greater than or equal to 60 to use this item.
*This item may be repaired 4 times and renewed 4 times.
This ring is made of a carved band of mahogany wood inlaid with silver. Polished to impeccable smoothness inside and out, it rests comfortably on the finger. Etched into the wooden surface are tiny images of the leaves of various plants which are known to possess the virtue of healing. The engravings glow with a faint greenish hue.



Although i appreciate getting the item, I'm curious why it was changed the way it was. My version randomly casts cure poison, where the one I got ups the proficiency, and can only be worn at the end of a class.

My submission:

For Cure Poison:
Keywords (ring wooden etched glowing)
Short desc (a glowing wooden ring with etched leaves)
Long desc (a ring made of some sort of wood lies here)
Full desc (This ring appears to be made of highly durable wood. The ring glows a faint green hue, and is warm to the touch. There are leaves etched along the side of the ring, a mark known for healing. Occasionally glow brightens, then fades back to its normal intensity. There seems to be a magical property to the glow, perhaps wearing it will provide some extra protection.)

[Casts Cure Poison on the wearer at random intervals]



#36 Thror

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Posted 10 January 2012 - 07:54 PM

I was surprised to see that all of these items also gained 180 day timers.

#37 Pirya

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Posted 17 January 2012 - 02:40 AM

Although i appreciate getting the item, I'm curious why it was changed the way it was. My version randomly casts cure poison, where the one I got ups the proficiency, and can only be worn at the end of a class.



You were welcome to make suggestions as to what you wanted the item to do, but we weren't necessarily going to accept everyone's suggestions. May I refer you to Duende's original post:

If your descriptions are good and do not need editing, they will get placed in the game and you will get a free one of those items. Feel free to also suggestion restrictions and other potential attributes - but do not describe the item in such a way that those suggestions would have to apply!



Also,

I was surprised to see that all of these items also gained 180 day timers.



They didn't gain timers. They were created with timers to begin with.

#38 Thror

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Posted 17 January 2012 - 02:51 AM

They didn't gain timers. They were created with timers to begin with.



Not true, on several of the items (energy bracelet, marvelous breastplate, and I think the wand) the items were created a good bit before I received them and these items did not have timers.

If I had know this was coming, I would not have used a Vandyne favor on the bracelet.

On the other items, I can't say anything with certainty because I put them on my trunk and did not logout/login with them in my inventory for several weeks.

#39 Pirya

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Posted 17 January 2012 - 04:43 AM

Okay, I guess I didn't know which items were sent out before further changes were made. Other point still stands though.